I wish I could unlearn these things I’ve learned. I hate all these people. I hate being alone. I feel lazy when I sleep. I feel worthless awake. I hate being drunk. I hate being sober. I love you. If all these trees burned down and we were the only things left standing, I could be happy. I hate you. If all these nations burned to the ground and we were the only things left standing, I would be miserable.
I remember sitting with you, drinking beer and smoking weed. Our feet cool in the water, the curious fish nibbling at our toes. Then the war came and we retreated to our coasts.
I see you in my dreams. The back of your head in the window of a school bus. I drive an unmarked police car and follow you across the city. The road turns to dirt then to mud then to creek then to river. My feet stuck, I wonder at how you keep going. As I watch the yellow bus and you disappear over the horizon with the sun.