We’re sure you think you’re being very cute, getting your wife that Italy travel book because you’re surprising her with a trip to Rome this fall. But we wonder why you’re telling us. Do you have your Rewards card? Would you like to buy a book for a starving child? No, like we’ve said before, we don’t gift-wrap. We know it’s a gift, you told us. But we don’t care. We once lost a girlfriend in Rome. Maybe you’ll lose your wife there. Maybe they’ll meet while walking across Piazza San Pietro and fall forever in love with each other in that Eternal City. When that happens, don’t come see us. We won’t be here anymore.
7-21-10
Thursday, July 22, 2010
A little while ago we did a piece of time in the United States Army. And yeah, it sucked. But it sure beat working at Borders. Here’s a list–a partial list mind you–of reasons why:
- Medical/Dental
- Regular raises
- Weapons
- No layoffs
- Helicopters
6-23-10
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Tonight, we’re not so much angry as we are tired. We’re tired of doing four jobs for the pay of one. We’re tired of trying to cram books onto shelves already too full of unsellable crap. We’re tired of dealing with the crazy people bleeding in the bathrooms, the people you won’t let us kick out of your dirty chairs. We’re tired of trying to keep your sinking ship afloat.
We have IRAs. Can you imagine that? We were once so optimistic we thought we’d make it to retirement. We know better now. Ain’t none of us making it to retirement.
Tomorrow, we cash out the IRAs. Tomorrow, we won’t work.
6-15-10
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Now Borders, we realize you’re Up In Michigan and we realize that Michigan is a black hole from which no light or logic can escape. But can you please try to remember that you live in a big country? Four whole time zones big. So when it’s Friday out there in your little hell, it’s still Thursday here in the paradise of California. You keep harassing us about signing people up for your shitty Rewards, but these suckers get frustrated when they can’t use that 25% off coupon on borders.com because you’ve all gone to sleep. It’s almost as if you want us to shop at amazon.com. And we are.
6-2-10
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Stop leaving piles of shit for us to put away. We already went through the agony of shelving 57 copies of Oprah’s biography, why must you insist we do it 57 more times? If we go goose hunting all around the store to find your precious copy of “Shamanic Egyptian Astrology,†why leave it wedged upside down and backwards in the graphic novels? We’re well aware of your idiocy as soon as you paw through Us magazine, but why make us imagine scalping you for leaving it wedged in the Self Help books? Mommy and Daddy obviously left out the part about putting shit away, since you just fucked up the entire Manga section. Is “Alphabetical by TITLE†too much for you? Should we leave an A to Z cheat sheet on each shelf, or… oh never mind. You’ll still fuck it up.
Guest post by theangrymangaseller
5-26-10
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
No, we don’t gift-wrap. What? Oh, we don’t care what that bookmark says. It also says we do special orders and we don’t do those anymore either. But we can see you’re one of those dumb motherfuckers who won’t take no for an answer, one of those dumb motherfuckers who thinks the customer is always right. So let us break it down to you real simple-like. This company hasn’t been able to pay us a living wage for over two years now. Look at this shirt we’re wearing, look at these pants–all tattered and holey. Look how skinny we’ve become. Wrap that present yourself, you lazy motherfucker.
5-20-10
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Oh Jesus. You’re harassing us about Rewards again? Give it the fuck up. People either already have Rewards or don’t want Rewards. Rewards has reached critical mass. There’s nowhere to go from here but down. Don’t blame us because nobody wants to sign up for your emails. We have filtered your emails to our Spam folder because you keep begging us to pre-order the next Sarah Palin. We don’t want to pre-order Sarah Palin, even if you’re fucking giving it away. Come up with a new idea. This is why you get paid the big bucks while we starve.
5-18-10
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
We signed a piece of paper promising that we would not write about your company in an unfavorable light. Companies make their employees sign such statements when they’re engaged in embarrassing behavior, or it’s the US Army. But isn’t that something? A bookstore actively trying to stifle free expression. We know what you’ll say—that companies have the right to control their image, to control their employees. But that control doesn’t extend beyond their front door. Some of us have done unimaginable things to make sure it stays that way.
5-17-10
Monday, May 17, 2010
You take away our free coffee, our holiday pay, our raises.
“We all must pull together,” you say. “We must do what’s best for the company.”
Fuck your fucking company, we say.
Smoking your cigar, drinking your cognac, you send 400 copies of Laura Bush and 300 copies of Newt Gingrich to San Francisco.
To San Fran-fucking-cisco!
And you expect us to work hard for you?
Fuck you, Borders. Fuck you.